Shoulda Known It Was My Fault..?

Question by Langaan: Shoulda known it was my fault..?
In summary, my wife is bipolar and as of the last 4 years has developed an extreme gambling addiction. She cannot stand to be around me and teh kids, and she claims going to the casino is how she “gets away”.
lastnight she came home from casino and had a melt down… after about an hour of calming her down (she just kept sobbing and sobbing), she said she feels like she is spralling out of control. (not the first time she has said this)
so I try my best to get her to talk about her feelings, and she has teh nerve to tell me she has been feeling so angry lately because of me and the kids.
apparently, even though i support the family 100% financially, and all her income goes to the casino, apparently she is just soooo upset because when she is at home I am not cleaning. she said ” i know you help out alot, but it just seems like when I am home you dont help”

sooo, i work 5-6 days a week, and 3 days a week I go straight from work to my sons hockey. on the weekends i am home cleainign and hanging with the kids while she is out with friends or gambling.

so who cares about teh lying, gambling, neglection of and yelling at kids, how dare I not clean when she is home???
oh, did i mention she was at teh casino with a 2500 dollar loan she secretly got 2 days earlier.

how is it that i suck all this in, and then when she melts down, i am thinking “wow maybe she is going to come around and…” but before I know it I am being told my part in the problem? no mention of the 40 grand plus shes lost, no mention of the lies, no mention of the fact that I spend all my time with teh kids and she makes it sound like a chore….. all this and I am supposed to what… clean up MY behaviour?

has anyone lived through this and seen light at the end of the tunnell?
– yes she has been diagnosed. she doesn’t really put any effort into getting better though, she has meltdowns, gambles away etc… other than that she puts a smile on her face around her friends and takes it off at home.

been to marriage counselling, she just sits there shaking her leg waiting to get out of the seesion so she can tell me how screwed up the counsellor is.

im just tired of trying to meet her ridiculous needs, but then comming to realize there are consequences to not meeting them regardless of whther its right or wrong…. its like i have 2 bad choices and keep picking both
easy to say cut my losses, but in reality she won’t leave. Which means I have to leave and either leave kids with her or put them through a mess.

Best answer:

Answer by TreyMacG
Time for marriage counseling and fast!!!

What do you think? Answer below!



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20 Responses to Shoulda Known It Was My Fault..?

  • Renee says:

    Has your wife been diagnosed with bipolar disorder? Because if she has, that is not a disease you can reason with. She probably needs to be on medication for the rest of her life. If she is on medication she may need an adjustment or something different. Remember during those frustrating times that you are not dealing with the person, you are dealing with her illness. She needs medical care.

  • Ender Wiggins says:

    I recommend permanent birth control for both parties before any further gene pool
    contamination can take place

  • Melanie says:

    It is the bi-polar talking. She needs to be on meds and in therapy. You will NEVER be able to please her if she does not take steps to be better.

    EDIT: DO NOT LEAVE THE CHILDREN WITH HER!!!!!!!!! If you leave you take those kids with you. And you may have to do just that because it sounds like she has no desire to be better.

    My hubby’s ex is bi-polar and I truly believe is a sociopath (in the clinical definition). She treats her children as possessions and still attempts to control my husband 6 years after she left him for another man.

    My heart aches for you, it really does.

  • Neha Mathew says:

    dear frnd ur problm is tht u r jst doin slavery fr hr….
    the frst thn is to hv a control oer hr…bt dnt break family relation by ths…
    jst tell hr to stop goin to casino or fr gamblin anymre straightly if she try to deny jst shout or jst bcm harsh ….bcz thse r fr futre gudness….if she stop fr tht day may b shel b angry vth u….jst tell hr to take of the kids …….if denys small slaps r gud bt remembr dnt take it serious in ur mind evn if she react worse since ths is to make u ppls life mre happier nt worse….thnfr one week continue ths bt at nights tell hr soorrries n say wt u want frm hr….the frst thn is to stop hr frm goin fr gamblin god bles pray fr u…ul b hapy soon

  • 11 acres says:

    I was also with a bi-polar for 9 years. It never changed and never will. We did counceling and she stormed out say the councelor was wrong. She will aways do the stupidest things and will always blame it on you. Mine had a secret $ 10,000.00 loan that she blew on “me things” as she called them. Your best thing to do is offer cash to have her walk away. She wants out let her out. Have an agreement ready with the cheque and offer it and have her sign it there and then. Get her an apartment even. Cut your losses and save yourself from a drowning person

  • tigerarmyrule says:

    A win in gambling is not a win. It is better understood as a postponement of the inevitable loss. The wins are? bait the industry uses to lure the unsuspecting. Gambling is many things…escapism, buzz buying, etc but it is inescapably a loss making enterprise.

  • ryan buensuceso says:

    the answer is u must choose the darroom cos in the bright room der u can see all the bright lights of the casino!!!!! u should face ur fear in the? dark cos thats the solution to our problem you yourself can solve your problem dnt wait if everyone in ur life will be lost!!!!!

  • ryan buensuceso says:

    being a gambler is like living in hell i have a question in my dream what path r u going to choose the? brightest area or the darkest area you choose?

  • Assilem30 says:

    Soul 86 that was? well said. What you said it absolutely true. The money is definitely cursed. When you win you end up uncontrollably spending it ALL back plus more! It is as if that money CANT stay with you. When you become addicted it is as if you are on the hamsters wheel going round and round in circles with the gambling. It is such a sad thing that destroy people. 🙁

  • mouwsy says:

    Spilled milk, I? like that. Thank you, this really helped me.

  • mouwsy says:

    I know the feeling and what you describe is real I? used to feel the same way.

  • mouwsy says:

    I really like this tip, thank you so much. This? really helped me.

  • soul86kiev says:

    Thanks to God, I am off that addiction. Tried casino for the first time, won $250. When I got home I could not sleep. I felt that with those casino money I won I got myself some evil spirit that was dragging me back to that hell-hole. So, next time I went I’ve lost $2,000 and was very sad and distressed, but did not have that evil spirit feeling and could sleep. I learned? my lesson and stopped. Remember, even if you win, you will lose in other things. Everything has to do with casino is cursed.

  • Assilem30 says:

    Remind yourself of all the stories on you tube alone? and really understand that there are no winners! The right time to do the right thing is ALWAYS right now. Don’t think about losses…its like spilled milk. Let the losses go and vow that they wont get another dime.

  • Assilem30 says:

    Just think of your self worth and protect yourself because the casinos are certainly protecting their selves. Remember that your? hard earned money belongs to you and not them. They dont deserve the money that YOU worked for. Continue to remind yourself that there are no winners. While it may seem like they are winning temporarily IF THEY ARE COMPULSIVE I promise you they will return to the casino and eventually spend it ALL back.

  • mouwsy says:

    I was in debt for €5000 (not from gambling) and received a big tax fine of €2000. In order to pay the tax bill I started gambling.Fortunately I won some money? and I was able to pay the tax bill. I continueud to gamble and all of a sudden I was up €2500 out of debt, I thought I was invinsable, but then I kept losing day after day and am now €1500 in debt again. I really want to quit gambling because I can’t sleep and I see myself living a lie. Please I could really use some words of encouragement

  • mouwsy says:

    I like that quote. I’mk going to use it a? lot from now on. Thanks.

  • mouwsy says:

    good for you I want to stop too, but everytime I try to get? out, it pulls me back in.

  • mouwsy says:

    I need to stop gambling. It is ruining my? life. I have trouble sleeping.

  • stonecraftindy says:­­lypayday

    I have a link there to the best online casino? USA players can play!

    I play here all the time and have good payout time? as well? …Just sayin

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