Recovering Drug Addicts, Answer.?
Question by : recovering drug addicts, answer.?
I recently started talking to a boy i graduated with. We never were friends, but had tons of mutual friends, and we always said hello and were friendly when we did see eachother. He always seemed really nice. So, he started to talk to me on facebook. We realized how much we had in common, and we met up in town to go to the store and such together, and we clicked. this was only about 3 days after we started talking. He then told me right off the bat, that he is recovering from major drug addictions, and that if i didnt want to be involved with a person like himself, he would understand if i just stopped talking to him. i decided not to stop. He has told me he is a “horrible person” and when i asked why he said “tons of reasons”. i told him to make a list. and he did. he was very hesitant to read it, but he did. he told me things he hasnt told other people, and he HAD done some horrible things. but, he ISNT a bad person, i FEEL it, and i am totally falling for him. he said he promises he will never intentionally hurt me, and he is doing everything in his power to change who he once was. when we are in public together, he is such a gentleman, not just to me, but to everyone, and i love it. i can tell he is not using me, he hasnt asked for anything. my only worry is, how frequent is a relapse? how hard is it to overcome? he has been to rehab 3 times (we are 20 years old) and this time is apparently the longest he’s been clean. he told me in complete confidence that i am completing him, and i make his life easier to live just by being here. and he really does seem like he means it. what are the chances of me getting hurt if i continue to see him? (i have never done drugs, have never had an addiction.) i know that urge is stronger than the urge to keep me happy, but do you think if he really cares, he can stay clean for me?
he is going to support groups about 2 to 3 times a week as well, if that means anything. i go with him.
Best answer:
Answer by miss H
I don’t want to upset you and he may well care for you very much. But one of the bad things about addictions is that they are so overwhelming, that they can destroy relationships. This doesn’t mean that his addictions will destroy your relationship, but if he had a relapse, then this would make things very difficult. People will do whatever it takes to get that hit. He may try and stay clean for you, but this doesn’t mean it will be easy, nor will it mean that he will succeed.
At the same time, it is people like this who need love and support. One of the reasons why people become addicts in the first place is because they are trying to escape, they might feel lonely or unloved.
Whatever you do, go into this with your eyes open. Be realistic. And whatever you do, do NOT EVER support any drug addiction and don’t take them yourselves. I’m sure he will agree with me that drugs ruin lives.
Answer by Stephen G
I was just like your bf and went through the same thing, I was straight for a good part of age 20 and had been in treatment already 3 times by than and a few shorter hospitals stays. Drug addiction is cunning, baffling, and powerful! Relapse is very common as the statistic for every person who goes into rehab, 80% will relapse. This is the hospital statistics. That’s because the disease is powerful, and the cravings to go back and use are unreal! Support groups help, but honestly he should be going to meetings EVERY DAY (NA and or AA)! he should also have a sponser and be working the program. Myself I ended up going through 10 treatment centers from age 15-25. I finally got straight after that! But it was a hard road, I was really screwed up physically, emotionally, and mentally. Relationships are not advised for recovering addicts for at least 2 years and than they are rough! It can be very hard on the person involved with an addict. I stayed straight for 15 years, than relapsed again and went on a two year cocaine binge, spent $ 25,000, maxed out my credit cards, spent all of mine and my first wifes savings. I also developed a heart condition. I finally quit 8 years ago and have been straight since! I am much more stable now and dont have the cravings anymore, but it takes YEARS, even a decade to really get on solid ground. Honestly, even though I am a recovering addict, I would not encourage you to go with him. Your letting yourself in for a LOT of potential heartache! I have a good relationship with my second wife, we have a daughter (my first child ever). But she told me had she known I was an addict before, she wouldn’t have started going with me. I told her she would have been wise, but I knew at that point I could stay straight for good and be a good husband and potential father!
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